How to Recover from Divorce

Sometimes, recovering from something isn’t easy. Recovering from divorce is probably one of the toughest part that couples along with children, have to manage through with, depending on the circumstance.

I found an article, “10 Steps to Recover from a Divorce or Breakup” by Rinatta Paries. This article will help those in need of recovering from a divorce or break-up to overcome the situation.

I think it’s probably difficult to carry on after divorce because usually those who divorced have been together for many years and is used to their life as a spouse with their family.

In the beginning, a little bit after my parents were divorced, I didn’t know how to react towards some of my family members who I haven’t seen in a very long time due to my parents’ situation. Even til this day, I am still recovering from it because there are times where I visit my other side of the family, and it feels a little weird because I haven’t seen or spoken to them in so long.

I believe that this article gives really good clear steps on how to approach the position that adults are accustomed to after divorcing or breaking up.

I really consider following up on steps nine and ten.

Step number 9 says: Resolve to learn everything about yourself and relationships.

My response to this is: After your devastating breakup, learn from your mistakes. You have to understand and know what you are seeking for in a relationship, what and what not to accept.

And for step number ten: As every adult is or should be doing, take care of yourself!

Facebook is the new cause of divorce?

As I was further researching on the most common causes of divorce in America, this is what caught my eyes in less than five seconds!

Social network, Facebook, is a common cause of divorce

According to The Tech Journal, Facebook is the new cause of divorce.

This is very shocking to me because as a teen who uses Facebook, It makes me think twice now about what’s really going on behind Facebook–people ruin their marriages because of it sometimes.

I wonder why this isn’t one of the ten top news in the world. As I mentioned in my previous blogs, divorce is an issue in the world that is clearly recognized. It seems to me that divorce isn’t a problem to the society at all.

Facebook is a very popular social network that millions of people all over the world use to communicate and connect with one another.

To know that marriages are being ruined because people are having an affair over Facebook is just foolish unless both couples are fine with it.

But adults have to know that Facebook is not to be blamed for couples breaking their marriage. It’s the individuals fault. Facebook is a very open network space, and you can’t really hide your personal business, especially cheating.

Should you stay in your marraige for the sake of your kids?

This is a question I always wanted an answer to. When my parents were getting a divorce, I always wondered whats going to happen to me and the rest of my siblings. Or who was I going to live with?

Choosing who I wanted to live with was a very difficult choice I had to make and overcome. I didn’t know who to pick because I didn’t want either parents to think the wrong way because I chose to live with the other parent.

Being the only girl in the family made my decision even tougher. In the end, I had no choice but to live with my dad because of  family personal issues. After a while, I continued to move back and forth to my mother and father. I now live with my father.

One of my thoughts is from reading this article is: Whose going to have custody of the kids? That’s probably one of the biggest fears a parent can have. I’m pretty sure this will be a very deep and challenging decision a divorced parent will experience.

My answer to this question is “no” because if you stay together for the sake of the kids,  then your household atmosphere probably won’t be positive and it is probably better on to be divorced.

Situations can depend on whether to stay together for the kids or not. For instance, if it’s an abusive relationship, or domestic violence, etc., that’s when you must take divorce into consideration.

America vs. China: which has the highest divorce rate?

Despite the divorce rate continuously rising every year in America, the divorce rate in China is also climbing higher than America’s rate today.

According to Marriage 101, the divorce rate in America is more than 50 percent, which means one in two couples will end their marriage.

Can you imagine half of the people in the world being divorced? Remarried? or a single parent? Not only does the divorce rate affects the society, what about the children?

Some people may be very careless about this situation and don’t think it’s a big deal. Anything is a big deal if it’s something human beings go through. Divorce can be and or feel like a deep scar in the child’s heart.

On CNN World news, Divorce rate rises in China by Jaime FlorCruz also examined that China’s divorce rate is 1.71 million, meaning one in five Chinese marriages ended in divorce. The divorce rate in China is more increased than America.

This shows that divorce itself is a issue nationwide.  What can be done to decrease the divorce rate?

A few things that can be possibly done to decrease the divorce rate are, communication and seeing a marriage therapist.

Talking it out can relieve the stress you’ve been holding onto. Tell each other what’s been going through your mind. Express your feelings in a respectful loving way.

Also, seeing a therapist for the sake of your marriage is a very beneficial step to further and better your relationship. Most couples may not take take this into consideration, but please do!

I believe the effects are more of a major issue than the process of divorce itself. Parents and children may need help cope in this situation. Here’s an great site on “Children and Divorce” this site is an assistance for parents to help their children deal with the effects of separation and divorce.

Child’s school performance goes down when parent’s divorce

A 7th grader taking a test and cannot focus in school because she has a lot on her mind.

The article, “Children Are Victims of Divorcing Parents” by eNotalone.com explains many crisis that happens to child when facing divorce.

“Many children secretly blame themselves, thinking that they might be the reason of a break-up. When parents fight a lot in front of their child, and the child is grown enough to understand what is going on, then it could lead to a change in the child’s school life, he starts to misbehave at school, due to an increase in anxiety and worry. The education performance goes down, the mood changes drastically. Emotional stress also can lead to criminal activity, psychological problems, truancy and many other negative things”(eNotalone.com).

Back to a reflection as a child, the time when my parents were getting a divorce, I can truthfully relate to this article. My parents divorced when I was in the 7th grade. At the time of the divorce, I felt so much anger towards my parents and myself which lead to misbehaving in school constantly and my attitude changed for the worse. Also, there were many times where I felt like giving up in school.

Although, I didn’t blame myself as the reason of my parents’ divorce, my personality did change positively towards school years later after my parents divorced, when I started high school.

According to “Parental Divorce Affects Children’s Education” by eNotalone.com says, “Researchers from the University of Alberta and the University of Manitoba found that the consequences of parental divorce lead to higher school drop-out rates among children whose parents are getting a divorce, compared to their peers whose parents stay together.”

There was a point in my life, where I thought I was going to drop out of high school because I didn’t have any motivation or support.

Since parental divorce lead to higher drop-out rates, Doesn’t this add more onto the drop out rate? I believe so, as I study more on my research topic, I’m learning many more objects to divorce that I may have never knew before. This is something parents need to know when divorced. Both parents should be in child’s life supporting them in every single way possible, especially when it comes to school.

I think if parents research on the effects of children on divorce, they would find it surprising and would probably put the pieces together and would probably understand their child’s personality more.

This is an unfair position that parents may not know or think of when getting divorced. When parents get a divorce, my question is: Do they care about how their children feel about the situation? Or, do they know how much it is going to affect the child’s education?

Divorce has its massive effects to the society that no one may recognize, but the effects shows how much it’s hurting the lives of those children that are in divorced families.

 

Photo by Carolyn Saephan

Divorce traumatizes children later in life

A broken heart has scar a child’s life.

An article I read  “Children of Divorced Parents are most likely to Themselves Divorce” by Nicholas H. Wolfinger, an adjunct associate professor of sociology at the University of Utah has spent a decade on the marriages in divorce homes in America.

According to his findings a couple may be up to twice as likely to divorce if one spouse grows up with divorced parents. If both spouses from divorced parents, the couple is three times more likely to divorce than couples who both grew up from intact families.

In my opinion, I believe this is a very unfair situation because who (as a child) would think that later in life when they marry, their marriage would be broken? I find it dreadful that the genetics of divorced parents would be passed down to their child.

This may be a reason why the divorce rate in America is rising. Some people may not see divorce as an issue today, but in reality it is. Not only is it rising, but it’s affecting the future of the child, and so on.

Differences between children in divorce versus intact families

I just read an article “The Effects of Divorce on Children” by Robert Hughes, a PhD from University of Illinois at Urbana Champaign.  One of the questions asked in the article is “Are children of divorce worse off than children in married two-parent families?”

I believe that those children with divorced parents will have more behavior problems than those children with intact families. 

I think one of the reasons why children will have more behavior problems is because most of the time, when parents divorce, one parent becomes absent in the child’s life and the child will feel unwanted.

Hughes found that children from divorced families are on “average” somewhat worse off than children who have lived in intact families.

 My questions is: Does that mean every child with divorced parents are worse overall versus those with married parents?

I think that some parents don’t realize how much divorce affects the child. I also read in the article that the child will have more difficulty in school, which I think it can affect a child’s education and future majorly. 

Also, this is probably one of many reasons why the drop out rate is so high because the child may not be recieving the attention needed at home.